And if from this dream I once awake,
To see a sky with stars
And your eyes on mine,
To awake in another tune of yours,
In another touch
Or the soft voice of a woman in need
Of a love, a companion, or just me…
If in your scared eyes
There is plead or a simple “what if?”
“What if you and me?”.
Scream and let yourself be,
Because this dream is just air,
And believe me, oh how I could live
Forever in this eternal stare,
In the skin were your arm touches my hair
When we both share knowing grins, but…
I know its cliché but I’d give it all up
Just to hold you in my arms
And properly kiss you good night.
So now that I’m home and the magic is gone,
With your smiles and subtle slopes,
Waiting for the night I come back, in your door,
I say to my self that the dream still goes on,
To remember your face when I touched your thigh,
Or the smell in your neck when your skin on my lips almost made me die.
no name #3
Transiciones
Si me preguntan en qué momento se dio el quiebre inicial no sabría bien qué decir. Un dato como ese es difícil de rastrear hasta sus orígenes más primitivos. Ahora, si me preguntaran en qué momento me di cuenta de la existencia del quiebre… o no, tampoco. En el fondo siempre lo supe y en realidad nunca voy a terminar de comprenderlo. Está tan arraigado en mí que no puedo apoderarme de él por completo. Es una idea, pero, ¿cómo la defino? Tal vez por una palabra que entró en mi subconsciente y fue modificándose a sí misma, girando sobre su eje, mezclando sus letras y sonidos con otras palabras que le daban su A por la H, jugando con sinónimos hasta perder su identidad, haciendo del negro el blanco, del frío el calor y del feliz, miserable. Si pienso en algo tan abstracto como la entidad de una idea y el valor que ella tiene dentro del conjunto de motivadores humanos que pueden llamarse “normales”, es inevitable, por lo menos, considerar la posición de mis pares: estoy sobreestimando la situación. Pero el valor de una idea, es mi humilde opinión, se asemeja al de todo tipo de elementos generadores de utilidad, y, por lo tanto, considerar el valor de terceros seria desafiar más de un siglo de teoría económica. Asíque, por otro lado, puede ser que mis instintos estén nada más que reclamando su dominio sobre mis acciones. O no…
Es la eterna lucha entre lo socialmente aceptable y lo desesperadamente originario. Es el interés colectivo que genera psicosis individual. Un monopolio tiránico de planes de vida disfrazado de bienestar. La brutalidad mundana que arrasa con el arte innato del ser transformándolo en una (inevitable) mediocridad idealista. Y, por sobre todo, ser conciente de ello. De eso se trata el quiebre: es el redescubrimiento del “yo”.
Heading off
Heading off to the lost, ghostly country,
A town with only self induced laughter,
A house were eyes bend before life,
A room in which tragic becomes home.
I’m heading off with your smiles in my ears,
With your smells always near,
With my hands full of memories,
Your voice on my fingertips
Always there to remind me on my trip
That I left you behind and I got off my track.
Heading off to the place
Were the soul of a vase
Can be…
If you need it to put something away.
Heading off were the vice rests its roots,
Were a kid on a bike is so worth my smile,
And the bags in me back fly away,
Were my head just goes mute…
Whooosshh… Whooossshh…
Bla bla
You say something about soviet and flannel
Or something like that,
And I hear that you’re talking
But I don’t want to feel the sound of your voice
Saying what you’ll do
If the “what ifs” ever do come true.
I know she is pretty, I know she is smart,
I know she’s exotic, erotic, but hey… so am I.
So I take drag after drag of whatever there’s to smoke
Just to feel a little less,
Power down the bla bla in my brain,
What to say, where to touch,
How to hug you and say I feel only friendly love.
And I cough so damn hard,
They are words trying to come out,
And I get so, so loud,
Screaming cheap philosophy about life,
Acting all “I care but I don’t”,
But I care and I know that you know.
The grooviest drug
So you come down and ask me what’s my favorite scene
Of the movie the TV was flashing, obscene
Was my answer and then you just shrugged
Cause you didn’t really care.
But you then took my hand and wondered us around
Of your tiny apartment you can barely control
Cause the dishes and the laundry while being at school
“Is the worst thing that could happen to you!!”
So I laugh at this thought cause it is so damn true
But I don’t care to judge you, you’re my drug, you’re the grooviest
Thing that has ever happened to me!
Then you look at me shyly and I don’t understand
I am so fucking THERE it’s not even fun
And you cook and you sing and avoid my skin
But I look at you and instantly my breath skips
And you see me and like it and I’m up to THIS
Of the drammmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaa
Reality go, go away!
I think I might have found what makes me sick
It is you, for in your brain there is thunder and lightning
And a cloud of teenage that makes you high and speed
In the kaleidoscope path of dementia your step now skips
In between the forest of wet trees with drops of rain so big
They create a clown into a dolphin
When in their heads they SPLASH! SPLASH!
And they WASH! WASH!
All the stupid BLUF! BLUF!
Of the common day
Coming back
I feel so alone it’s hard for me to speak
Inside my chest a void invades all of me
Around my waist something pushes into my skin
And in my brain a voice screams for me to leave.
Around the voices of stories
That explain how their bodies
Are dead in a stare
Of whispering whiskers in their dreams,
I hear deceitful thinking
And resented beginnings of complaints
About how I left
How I left with no good bye.
I’ll be one step behind a life,
What could have been my life.
I’m done
You do your own shit,
I’ll do mine…
I won’t even call you to see if you’re fine.
I need a new crowd
Cause I’m tired of being left behind.
Music with him,
Crazy on the other side.
Some balance would be my death
Cause all I wanna do is fly.
In my head you’ll find a world
Ready to explode in your small ugly face.
You cut your hair like a boy
So you won’t feel like the girl your parents brought
To this world, all full of hope,
Cause you hate them and you hate me
And I hate you for wanting to be free.
I’ll find a new place were I can dance
In my head a melody makes me come,
And I’ll find a new place to get high
Cause going down on you, girl, makes me wanna die.
If I do find a new crowd I’ll be forever sad,
But that’s not new cause I always am,
But at least I’ll find something new
Cause I’m forever and ever done with you
(At least for now)
Wrong kind of place
This is the wrong kind of place
To talk about living,
This is the wrong kind of place
To think about giving
Me your time,
Money, soul or rhyme.
Don’t look at me
Cause I’m not giving you mine.
This is the wrong kind of place
To think about living,
Leaving the skeletons away
Locked in with Jimmy,
Oh Jimmy Boy…
Find the key that locks you in
Around your waist but you’re so slim
It fell to the floor,
But you can’t stretch no more…
And now you are hard standing high
(Very “Greek-God-statue”, might I add),
And you won’t see your own too feet,
Fearing to look down and get a glimpse
Of all the bodies that you killed
And wouldn’t leave behind.
Imagine how different you would be
If you just looked around,
Imagine you are free
Around your waist beats the green string
Smiling up at you, you don’t see a thing-
This is not the time to shush me!
Once I start I’m not the same,
If you want me to come
Deal with my innate immense need
To intimidate myself with my speech,
And I guess it’s ok if I sometimes irritate
You cause you do do the same
When you act out by being a fucking pain
With the shush and the hush
All “musician borne to fail”.
What do you want me to say?
That I love you nonetheless?
I love you but you touch me and then run away.
So if you wanna live, live,
But do it somewhere else,
Cause you came to the wrong kind of place.
Down, down, down
I want to run away from this place and join the circus with my friends.
They’ll hate me now but we’ll meet one day in the middle
And see how happy I could be with no degree.
All my “secret wishes” are never coming true,
Poisoned or not your arms are never cutting though,
You can embrace me tight and say everything’s all right,
But the social laws will never cease to push me down, down, down,
And leave me bare with all those words that don’t mean shit
Laughing in my face cause I just don’t get what the point is, as if I really did care,
What he said and she thinks and what’s written in stone for me to lie with.
I don’t care what society needs and what’s expected from me,
I just want to sing, sing, sing!
I’m asking god to save my soul while worshiping the devil behind closed doors.
I think “all you need is love” but a voice in my ear pushes me down, down, down,
Again and again and again, oh please say you’ll one day stop,
Cause I’m starting to believe everything I hate
And I hate to believe everything you think
Cause a life is not to survive but to love what makes you high.
And please tell me you’re gonna shut up
Please tell me you’re gonna shut up
Please tell me you’re gonna shut up
Please tell me you’re gonna shut up
Tell me i’ll one day understand that i’m a woman now, not a baby, not a child.
There is a choice but the voices in my head just won’t shut up.
I run inside my brain screaming for someone
To show me were the switch off button is, cause I need some silence,
I need to think what is it that I need, I need some peace to see
Were this fucked up thing we call a life is supposed to be.
